Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
