I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
