"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Can I color on your dick again?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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