Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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