no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
