If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
