she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
