sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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