In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
