but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Semen is not good for contacts.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
