so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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