If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
