It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
