I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
