I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
