u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
