would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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