I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
