I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
