Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
