first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
