john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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