he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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