census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
