legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
