just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
