I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
