Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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