The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
