Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
