He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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