Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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