I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
