the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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