hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How does one acquire holy water?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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