ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
