He passed out mid-signature
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
