In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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