Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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