Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
