Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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