rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
