you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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