Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
