she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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