you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
