Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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