I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
