well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
