I'm eating all of the evidence.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This gyro tastes like lonliness
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
