he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
