If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
