Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
