Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
