the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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