I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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