I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
