I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
