Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Never underestimate the power of titties
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
