Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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