Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
