Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
