Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
