last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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