you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
