we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
