Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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