I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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